


Deep Within

by mabomanji



Category: Original Work
Genre: Boys In Love, Falling In Love, Home, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Meeting the Parents, One Shot, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Romance, Sports, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabomanji/pseuds/mabomanji
Summary: Isamu likes being around Jun, he's helped him so much getting into highschool and making friends. Now that a girl is coming between them he must face the depth of his feelings for his friend.





	Deep Within

The sickening feeling hadn’t left his guts all day. 

Isamu vaguely knew why he was feeling down but he couldn’t admit it to himself. He had tried to reason himself, he was disappointed because he felt his habits, his life that was finally interesting and easy, was threatened.  
He didn’t know how to react, how to hide his frustration. The best he had done was to avoid his friend all day. He was preparing himself to be left alone, to be forgotten in an instant. Now that a girl was in the middle of their new relationship. 

She started to come after the last match, cheering Jun and trying to talk to him. Isamu had to admit she was brave and seemed nice. But all he could see were the little gestures she had only with his friend, the way she tilted her head with a gentle look, making her even lovelier. He couldn’t fight this, he couldn’t bear to see himself staring and waiting to see his friend’s reaction. He was scared to see him interested and moving along with her, talking with her more and more. He had felt less relevant as each day was passing. 

And today was special, he had seen her ask him out, he was just next to them, approaching Jun after his class. He had retreated without a word, not waiting to hear the answer. But he was sure he was going to go back home on his own this evening. As the hours passed he felt gloomier. He had zero motivation for his training, he was seeing them coming together, getting closer in his mind and he felt despair and loss. It hurt so bad he didn’t know why. He felt like a fool, like a stupid kid. He was old enough to deal with so little a problem. And yet it hurt, it made it difficult to breathe, to think and to move. 

He felt so burdened, every movement was tiring. He was back in the locker room, sitting after training, everyone had left and he couldn’t get the courage to get dressed. He let his head hang low, keeping it with his hands, breathing as evenly as possible. Trying to get his thinking straight, to get back to life and moving. He had to face this and be happy for his friend. But he knew everything was going to change.

*

Hidden underneath his scarf he pushed the door of the gymnasium and got refreshed by the air. It made his eyes water and he didn’t know if he was starting to cry or just reacting to the cold. He started walking, getting his hands in his pocket.

“Hey !”

He stopped in his tracks, his voice was the last thing he expected to hear. He lifted his head and standing there next to the door he had just closed was Jun, a bit covered by the snow that was falling steadily since the afternoon, taking a step towards him. So many thoughts went through his head at this moment but it was the great relief he felt that made him close the distance between them in an instant and hug him. He closed his eyes and squeezed his friend as much as he could with a sigh. The silent fall of the snow was all the noise there was until he could feel Jun moving to hug him back, repeating his name as if to reassure him. It was so sweet, Isamu felt he was touched in a new way. He didn’t want to think about anything other than Jun being here and not with her. But in time he muffled in his friend’s coat with a bit of apprehension.

“I thought i would have to go back home alone, without you…  
\- Don’t worry, I’ll never leave you alone.”

They let a moment pass and then Jun broke the hug slowly.

“I’m freezing… can we go ?”  
Jun had been waiting outside after practice during all the time he was sulking and depressed. If Isamu had come out sooner he would have seen him earlier. He had lost time being in his head, letting the sadness slow him.  
“Sorry i took so much time…”  
Jun smiled and started walking while looking at him, inviting him to follow.  
“Listen, my mom asked to meet you. Would you like to come to my place tonight ?”  
He wasn’t expecting this at all, it was at the opposite end of what he had imagined his life to be without Jun a moment ago. After sadness he was reassured and then felt elated.  
“Is it alright ? I mean… do you want…” He couldn’t help to check if his friend was also ok with that.  
“Well I don’t know, I don’t want you to feel pressured to come because of my mom. She can be… a bit pushy.”  
The consideration expressed for his thoughts and well being felt so familiar and reassuring that he couldn’t help but smile at the feeling coming back in him, of being well liked and cared for.  
“It’s alright, I’d really like to meet your family.” Any bit of hesitation was gone now, just the prospect of spending time discovering more of his friend’s life was all he needed to be ready.  
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into” said Jun with a smile.  
Isamu got closer to him, curious.  
“How’s that ?”  
“My mom’s so nosy and my little brother is a real monster.”  
Isamu started to laugh but his friend continued  
“No but you’ve been warned, don’t come complaining once you’re there ! I won’t be able to save you !”  
He laughed even more, feeling excited and eager to be a part of that story. He was entering his friend’s private life and everyday habits. He thought he would feel even closer to Jun. They smiled at each other keeping the banter up until they reached the house.

*

“Come in !”  
Jun left his coat and shoes in the entrance and let him enter to do the same. Once he stepped inside the house he was greeted by a joyous voice.  
“Oh so you’re Isamu ! It’s so nice to meet you, Jun spoke so much about you !”  
He was looking at a little woman with a great smile on her face, moving close to him, gesturing for him to enter.  
“I’m so glad Jun is finally inviting his boyfriend over, I thought he would hide you from us forever !”  
He looked at her with round eyes, registering the word she had used. He started blushing, not knowing what to say or do. He didn’t know how to refute her mistake and that word just opened possibilities that he had never imagined before. He just shook his head, not sure he could properly speak.  
“Mom come on ! He’s not my boyfriend, stop harassing him just when he arrives !  
\- Oh is that really so ? I’m sorry Isamu it’s just that Jun always speaks about how great you are, I just assumed you were together…”  
He lowered his head, more and more embarrassed and blushing, he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t thought of what Jun told his family about him, he was facing a depth he couldn’t apprehend.  
“Come on, don’t keep him here mom, let’s go in !”  
Jun pushed his mother in and she obliged with a little laugh. Then he got closer to Isamu, lowering his voice.  
“I’m sorry about that.” Jun looked at him so close as if he was assessing his reactions. Isamu shook his head, not ready to lift it up again soon.  
“It’s alright.”  
*

His mom was lovely, Isamu decided after two minutes of her trying to make him comfortable again and his little brother had his character but he looked so much like Jun it didn’t feel at all annoying but cute. As if seeing a smaller version of his friend pouting and making faces when he didn’t know how to answer. The boy was curious of him and Isamu felt a bit of pressure to be as cool as Jun had described him to his family. But overall it was a nice dinner, with small chat about himself and his life at school and how it was to be with his friend.

“Because my Jun isn’t easy to live with I know that !” said his mom with affection and a smile.  
He hesitated just for a beat.  
“Oh but he is great !”  
Jun’s mom looked at Isamu questioningly and he couldn’t help talking about his friend.  
“He’s really committed to the club but not only that, he’s always helping out even the new guys to feel at ease at school, always checking on everyone to see if they’re ok, even the ones that don’t talk much know they can rely on him if they ever need anything. He’s patient and knows how to settle arguments even with bigger guys. He’s really generous and kind, never complaining and always trying to figure out solutions to everyone’s problems. No he’s a really great friend.”  
A bit of silence followed his words and his mom turned to look at Jun.  
“I didn’t know that.”  
She said with awe in her voice. Isamu felt his friend looking at him with surprise and he couldn’t hold that look so he went back to eating while the little brother was making fun of his big brother for being a monster at home. The atmosphere eased again and they kept on chatting about everything and nothing.

*

The softness of the carpet under his feet was soothing. Isamu barely noticed the little thud of the door closing behind them. He was entering Jun’s room and registering all the little things that proved it was his world. He moved slowly along the wall to look at pictures of his friend when he was small with his father, some friends from school, his first sports trophy, his books. It was like entering his mind behind the outward gentle ease he had with everyone. He felt he was stepping into a part of his soul. Of course objects couldn’t encompass all of his identity but it was way more than he could see at school with their everyday lives. 

This was special, as the entire evening had been special. He felt his heart clench when he felt his thoughts coming incessantly to what Jun’s mother had said. He tried to put that aside and look around him but it didn’t help at all. He was exploring his friend’s life and felt very emotional about it. Even the way his desk was in a bit of a mess told him more about him, he could see hands pushing books aside, arranging his notebook just like Jun did in class. Everything bore his touch. He let his own fingers pass over the desk and the books, trying to get back to reality but it had the opposite effect. He was touching what his friend had touched, what he had lived with, arranged to his liking. He was touching his intimacy. 

He removed his hand a bit guilty and stood there with his head lowered. Why did this mean so much to him ? The way the word had sounded in his ears, like he had longed to be called that. Boyfriend. Why boyfriend ? He was just a friend. But the way he waited for Jun after practice, how he ached for the sight of him, expecting him, waiting eagerly for him. What was it ? The way he felt he couldn’t be a part of his life if he was seeing someone. He didn’t want to be apart from him, it scared him. To be pushed away because he wasn’t the one, the lover. He felt his cheeks burn and he had a hard time breathing properly. What was this depth he didn’t know anything about ? Though it was inside him, a part of him that was waiting patiently for the mundane problems to be pushed out of his mind to tempt him. What secret was hidden from himself in those unknown parts ? He couldn’t face it, everything was pulling him to Jun. The answer was so close.

*

“You alright ?”

He barely registered Jun’s voice coming closer to him, his hands making him sit and waiting close to him to see if he would calm down. Isamu wasn’t seeing properly, he felt he was in a whirlwind of thoughts and memories he couldn’t escape from. Little gestures and glances from his friend through all the times they went back home together, how they waited for each other, the smiles they had when they met everyday, the way Jun always came to talk to him even though he was already speaking to someone else, how this made him feel special, openly crying in front of him when sadness was overwhelming, catching his hand to stop him from being reckless, fighting then trying their best to be forgiven. All these moments piling up in his head and heart, was he the only one to feel that way ? How could he face Jun now ? How could he face those eyes that he so longed to be looked at with ?

“You want some water ?”

The voice brought him back and he stood up, shaking, the revelation upon him, frightening.

“I have to go home.” He said with a shaking voice before taking some steps towards the door.  
“Do you really ?” The sadness in Jun’s uncommonly small voice made him stop, hesitating, frozen in place, staring at the ground.

“The things you said earlier… did you really think them ?”

Isamu lifted his head up, surprised by the question. What was it ? Ah! How he had described him to his mom, that was it.

“Of course!”

Isamu realized at that moment that he had never said a thing about it before. He hadn’t shared his thoughts to the one person that needed to hear them. He thought again of how they had met and it filled his heart with nostalgia. Thinking about it after some time he saw it from a different point of view, it was really chance and yet they were both ready to meet at that time. He needed help, desperately trying to find his place in school.

“You’ve helped me so much.” Isamu started weakly but he wanted to tell him more now, to make sure Jun knew what he meant to him.  
“You’ve helped me with the athletics and not just with the training part. I was doubting my every move and decision but your kindness and patience helped me get better and try to improve myself. You surprised me by making it all fun. And then it wasn’t only during the training.”  
He took a deep breath, feeling animated and revived at the words he was saying.  
“You looked for me and got me invested in my life, in school’s life, you connected me with the rest of the class, you showed me my new friends and gently pushed me so I could grow up on my own. You were there even when I was in my lowest, even when you didn’t agree with my decisions. You’ve always been there helping me, accompanying me in all the moments of my life and I’m so grateful to you.” He was standing tall, eager, all his nervousness gone for a moment. He was looking at Jun, hoping that his words had reached him. He couldn’t decipher what his friend’s expression was, he looked stunned. 

He added with a softer voice : “Your presence is important to me. I really enjoy seeing you and I'd rather meet you than do anything else.”

His friend just looked at him for a while and then took a step forward and touched his shoulder gently.

“You’re incredible… when I met you, you barely spoke and yet I could guess by the way you looked at the world that there was great strength in you, it just needed a way out to be expressed. You’ve astonished me so many times, the way you focus on your goal, giving your all once you start, never giving up. I’ve learned so much just by being with you and seeing you evolve. You’ve changed me. I was so carefree but I learned to go deeper in my reflexions, I’ve learned to see the world through your eyes, learn how to read people, how to care for them.”  
Isamu was a bit surprised, Jun was looking at him so intently it made him blush.  
Jun had observed him so closely since they had met, he knew him so well it was a bit frightening and reassuring at the same time.  
“You’ve been there for me all the way. You say i’ve helped you but it’s the other way around. Everything you said, everything you did to get to me, you were so shy and yet you always were there to show me what I could do, you’ve broadened my life.”

Suddenly Isamu couldn’t cope with all this, his heart was burning in him, he didn’t know how to react to the pressure of those words that he feared and wanted to accept as the gifts they were meant to be.

He took a step back, slowly trying to get some space to think properly, Jun’s hand left his shoulder to trace the length of his arm as Isamu was moving back until he took hold of his hand. That made Isamu stop and contemplate the image of their hands linked. Still staring at their connection the words came naturally.

“I think I love you. I think I'm in love with you. I know I shouldn't and I have no right but I just want to be with you.”

He was scared that was the last moment of their friendship, whatever would happen afterwards would change everything. He waited, anxious for any reaction.

“Isamu…” Barely a whisper and then Jun was lifting his chin with his hand to look at him.

“You've always been braver than I would ever be. I liked you instantly and I've been loving you ever since.”

Isamu opened his eyes wide at those words and blushed again. Jun leaned and kissed him slowly as his mother barely knocked and entered the room with biscuits in hand, breaking their moment. She smiled widely before leaving the biscuits behind and closing the door. Isamu looked desperately at his boyfriend, feeling embarrassed. Jun rested his head against his, laughing softly.

“I’m so sorry about my mom. But I did warn you.”

Isamu smiled, just reassured by their closeness.

“It's alright she kinda helped me in a way. Finding the courage to face my feelings.”

He tilted his head and kissed his boyfriend again, feeling elated to discover more of life with him by his side.


End file.
